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Monthly Archives: July 2014

So close tonight

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRHV-HWhqWQ[/youtube]

 

Excerpt from the novel, “A Friend Request,” by C L Gillmore

Jake replies to Rose’s text…

“Yes. So close tonight. Can feel you, smell you, taste you. Always in my thoughts.”

I slipped the cell phone back in my jacket pocket, started the truck, and pulled back onto Highway 20.

B. B. King and U2 rocked out to the bluesy, driving beat of “When Love Comes To Town,” on the radio. I cranked up the sound—drummed the beat on the steering wheel—and sped into the night. The miles clicked by, the rain stopped, and two and half hours later, I drove up the graveled driveway.

Home again. Home again. Jiggity-jig.

A remembered the sing-song rhyme my sons repeated upon returning home when they were little. Now I typed it in texts to Rose when I returned home from bus trips, movies, late night dinners, the bar… without her. Always wondering what it would be like to have her next to me… instead of alone… instead of with Beth.

CL GILLMORE

Dreams of faraway places

CL Gillmore

 

Excerpt from the novel, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore.

He held the sleeping bag open and we climbed in next to one another. The fire flickered—the shadows danced—we lay wrapped within one another’s arms. He kissed me softly, he kissed me passionately, he kissed me until my eyes wouldn’t open anymore. I drifted in and out of the loveliest dreams until morning, dreams of faraway places in the West, dreams of Jake Richardson and me.

CL GILLMORE

Understanding the concept of loneliness

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Excerpt from, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore.

All things considered, I thought I did pretty well dealing with all of it.

Though I did spend many nights, feeling afraid… isolated… lonely. Honestly, I found it hard to understand the concept of aloneness. I wanted to be alone. I was used to being alone. I loved my apartment and the independence it afforded me.

I did long for company—to share with someone, to talk with someone—a friend, a lover maybe. Yet, I purposely chose to feel alone. Even when surrounded by people, I felt alone. I felt alone in a crowd. How could that be? Though I knew all of this must relate in some way to my childhood, I never could make sense of it.

I didn’t look for help in figuring it out, either. I wasn’t comfortable talking with anyone. Who would I talk to?

I didn’t discuss my feelings with anyone other than the child inside me—the one who protected me, who helped me write, who shared my fantasies but reminded me of reality—the one I talked with continually.

I sucked it up like I thought everyone else did, and continued on with my life. My life… alone.

What else was there to do? Only rich or crazy people went to shrinks, and I was neither.

CL GILLMORE

I looked into his eyes those beautiful blue eyes

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Excerpt from the novel, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore.

I looked into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, and saw something I hadn’t seen before. Something different, something more. More than friendship. He couldn’t hide it. He didn’t try to hide it.

I watched his mouth come closer and closer to mine until finally his lips brushed softly across mine—so softly, back and forth, nibbling and coaxing—his hand curled over the back of my head controlling just the right amount of pressure and direction. My eyes closed from sheer pleasure, and I let my brain shift to the other senses: the touch of his lips on mine, his hands entwined in my hair, the other caressing my back, while his chest pressed tightly against my breasts. I heard the sensual sounds of the kisses, his breathing, his heartbeat. I savored the smell of his cologne, his scent, the taste of his lips, his mouth touching mine.

CL GILLMORE

A conversation over donuts

donut dunking
Excerpt from the novel, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore.
A conversation over donuts…
“You know, Rose—we could just share germs and drink out of the carton—save washing glasses later.”“No can do. I’m a donut dunker.”“Should have guessed. You look like a dunker.”
I smiled, shook my head, and headed to the kitchen.
I loved this—this dance, this electricity—whatever was going on between us. It started that first night at the rehearsal barn with Jake asking me, “Hey, you still with us?” and leaving me with, “Take a breath.” It was still going on.
He made me smile, made me laugh, made me want to trust.
CL GILLMORE

Growing up in Mayberry

CL GILLMORE

Excerpt from, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore.

“I pretended I lived with a television family in Mayberry, RFD. No one yelled at home and no one hit my mother… no one hit me.”

 

 

CL GILLMORE

I managed to get close…

CL Gillmore

 

Excerpt from the novel, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore.


CL Gillmore

I managed to get close—to get under her radar—and we began a relationship.

Yep, I had all the answers back then… had it all figured out. I knew I could fix everything. I wanted to fix everything. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be happy with me.
I loved Rose. She was my first love, and I loved her as only a young man loves. And using a young man’s logic, I thought if I loved her enough, I could fix whatever was broken.

That was the plan—basic and simple. An idealistic young man who hadn’t yet learned that even innocent, heart-driven plans don’t always work out the way we picture them.
Read more @ clgillmore.com/blog
CL GILLMORE

I’ll miss your hand

CL Gillmore
Excerpt from the novel, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore.
I looked over at the lights of the dinner theater… to catch one more glimpse of the building… the building housing Jake at the moment. My heart overflowed with joy and love as I remembered the evening… and my sweet, sweet Jake. I closed my eyes and whispered to him in the darkness, “Thanks for letting me drift away with you… one more time. ”
Letting go is, “I’ll miss your hand. I realize it’s not mine to hold. And I’ll never hold it again…”
CL GILLMORE

Inside lurked a writer and a poet

CL Gillmore

Excerpt from the novel, A Friend Request, by C L Gillmore

Inside Rose lurked a writer and a poet who communicated her observations, her inner thoughts and feelings, her insecurities, through writing. She found escape from her demons and comfort from loneliness through writing. And she kept everything she wrote in black, three-ringed notebooks or in a little black, leather diary she carried in her purse.

 

CL GILLMORE

A time of major changes and shifts

CL Gillmore

 

Excerpt from the novel, A Friend Request by C L Gillmore.

The late 1960s and early 1970s… what a different era. A time of major changes and shifts… dress, music, sex, drugs, politics. Everything. It’s hard to explain if you weren’t part of it, a witness to it, there to experience it. And if you were, it stayed with you, got in your blood and became a part of you… who you are.

For me Champaign, Illinois, Parkridge Apartments, the band, and Rose happened a lifetime ago. I seldom let myself wander around in that lifetime I left behind nearly forty years ago. Now I lived in the real world. I was not a dreamer. I didn’t let my practical ass get bogged down in what might have been. No point. Eventually I moved on. I had to.

CL GILLMORE